Mr. Newton: In summary, Your Honour, the defendant was attempting to engage in a reckless and inattentive shallow-angle crossing of tram lines on his bicycle on St Georges Road, with little heed to the combination of over-inflated balding tyres, and a gap just wide enough to grab them. The results were, though painful, inevitable. And here's Moira to round off our closing argument:



Judge: Thankyou.

Judge: Counsel for the defence?

Dr. Ziegler: Huh?

Judge: Your closing argument.

Dr. Ziegler: What?

Judge: Your closing argument!

Dr. Ziegler: [unintelligible] ... I'm not closing!

Judge: Sir, I put it to you that you are drunk.

Dr. Ziegler: Well, "Your Honour", if that IS your real name - which I sincerely doubt - I put it to YOU that if you don't shut up, I'm going to smash this table over your head so hard the Bailiff will catch on fire.

Judge: ...

Dr. Ziegler: Therefore you must acquit.

Judge: Um, right.. the court finds for the plaintiff, to the order of:

• Two broken headlights
  

  
  The one on the right is undergoing surgery to fix it, which will be the subject of a future post...
  and how the hell the BACK of it broke when the front hit the ground I don't know.
• One smashed watch
• Two wheel buckles
• Three square inches of skin
• A smidgeon or four of chest pain

Judge: As these measures were summarily instituted by the plaintiff, it is the opinion of the court that a mutual settlement has been reached, and no further proceedings are required.